How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
