his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
