Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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