She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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