My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
