yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I smell like Dick and happiness
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