I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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