I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
