I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
