I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
