I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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