Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
