I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
In America we eat man semen.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
