I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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