I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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