just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
