True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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