i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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