You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
