Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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