no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
