3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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