In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
