final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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