You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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