Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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