So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
