Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize