If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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