The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
