the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
