some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
