If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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