end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
