My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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