Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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