matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
