He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
