Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
