Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
