I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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