Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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