He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
