shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize