I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
