I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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