strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
