omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
