I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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