I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
