Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
