I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
