You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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