I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
