Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
