That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm too high and old for this...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize