oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
