there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
