Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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