I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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