Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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