Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
