sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
