Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
