i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
