come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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