Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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