Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
