I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
