I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
