so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
