Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
